In the serendipitous grace of the moment, I understood prayer. The deepest kind of prayer on earth is the song sang in the night which declares how great God is in spite of the pain.

-Rev Edmund Chan

{.Your love is extravagant.}




i learnt something..

never let my emotions get the best of me.
never letting it overwhelm me that it takes away my security in the Lord.
of who i am, but a Child of the Most High. well-loved, righteous, holy, the apple of His eye, every tear i cry is precious in His sight, He even knows the number of hair i have on my head, that is how much i mean to Him. Thank you Lord! :)

no one can make you feel inferior unless you allow it too, so i shall not let it happen to me. For this i guard my heart, mind, and soul very tightly. But when it does get the most of me, i turn to the Lord to cry out to Him first, and there was peace and love that filled me up again. Contary to if i had spoken to a person, i think the poor person will never want to speak to me again. ha!

Now my next step:
Trusting in the Lord according to psm 84 involves 2 things:
(v1-4) a supreme delight in Him
(v5-11) a total dependence on Him

which brings me to psm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of you heart.
This is by far one my most favourite verse, cause i love to ask and expect. But to delight in the Lord, i always ask how?

what delights you? being underwater, discovering the new creatures of the ocean, soaking under the sun..? that atttitude and excitement. that is it!

i learn to embrace His love, to enjoy His company consciously, to stand in awe of all the beauty He has created (the sky, sea, sun, trees, birds, people, everything), to love spending time with Him (reading His word and praising and talking to Him) with that attitude and excitement.

wonderful!

what is your heart for? a little girl answered: my heart is for loving God! :)

Total dependence on Him: very tough, knowing that i like to be in control most of the time, but i am surrendering bit by bit, for i know it for my own good. God is good and He is in control. In fact what can go wrong when He loves me more than anything else, He will defintely bring it to past. Victory is ours! The gist of it is to be humble, hey God, i cannot do anything, and i am nothing without You. But with You, all things are possible.

:) Jesus rocks my socks.
p.s. i typed this out with only half my keyboard, cuz the other half has a stroke. seriously. i want a macbook!

{.Your love is extravagant.}





i'm searching for my leap of faith.

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." – Psalm 56:3

hmmmm... pursue or pull back?








{.Your love is extravagant.}

"The Lord your God is with you…he will take great delight in you." – Zephaniah 3:17

A famous singer was scheduled to perform at the Paris Opera House. The auditorium was packed. The curtain went up. But the famous singer never appeared. The house manager stepped up to the microphone and said: "The man you've come to hear tonight is ill and won't be performing. Someone new is standing in for him." The manager said the stand-in's name, but no one heard it over the audience's groan of disappointment. When the unknown singer finished, there was nothing but stony silence. Suddenly, from high up in the balconies, a little boy stood up and shouted, "Daddy, I think you were wonderful!" The crowd broke into thunderous applause.

Self-esteem cannot be gained by position or performance. Your security and self-esteem most be rooted in Jesus Christ. Like that little boy, Jesus shouts to you, "I think you're wonderful!"
Robert H. Schuller



He calls me lovely. And nothing else matters.

{.Your love is extravagant.}




if there's one thing i struggle with, it's insecurity.

no messages on your phone, oh no one thinking of me
no phone calls the entire day
when there are breakouts that makes me feel unpretty
weight gain that makes me feel fat and uncomfortable
when work gets competitive
the invinsible expectations of others that i feel i might not be able to meet
the expectation i have on others, that when they don't do certain things for me, maybe i'm not worth it in their eyes
when u get no reply after sending a sincere word
when u feel lonely at a party
when u just don't know what to say, while everyone is waiting to hear
when u receive no affirmation after you feel you done a good job
when deep down the words you've been needing to hear, will never be heard
when everyone around you whispers while you walk past
when assumptions come in, and no talks about it
when you don't get invited to a party where everyone else is going
when you don't receive presents or cards or greetings on special days
when you realise you have no one to turn to for help
when you really need someone to talk to, and the other person is not listening attentively

all the expectations of myself that i've unconsciously adopted, all that building my self-worth, but here i am bearing it all out, in all sense of the word vulnerability. I realise so much of the worldview of what a person is and should feel when certain situation arises just makes or breaks a person. when secured, happy. when insecured, sad.

this time, i'm building my security in Him alone. It's comforting to know that i only need to meet His expectations, and not man. Which is a good thing, simply cause He created me, He knows what I can do and cannot do. His expectations are all within the means of my created being, and even more so with the strength and power He provides for me to meet His expectations. It's damn easy compared to meeting a human's expectation.

But in reality, not that the above is not, but rather, in more earth-touching manner, we often seek to meet the expectations of man, to be approved, to be favored by everyone, to be admired, to be popular, to be loved all in the name of pride, to feel good.

pride brings man to a fall, while God gives grace to the humble, and opposes the proud.

i'm struggling to be secured in His love. I'm trying and still learning to lean on His strength, to be filled with His love, overflowing in His goodness, embracing His new mercies every morning, and being steadfast in His faithfulness. And these days, truly, i experienced His love, His amazing love. And i'm so loving it. I can't live without it. But i'm still struggling with this insecurity, but i know one day, i'll have victory, i'm an overcomer.

Jesus loves me, so much that his love burns my soul. His love is amazing. Brace yourself, it will blow you away. Such unspeakable joy, i've found. No where else.

{.Your love is extravagant.}