happy last day of 2009! looking back on how life was lived, i think i can do better in 2010. anyway, this is a really interesting question that triggered my thoughts.

What do you wake up to in the morning?

.alarm clock
.work
.unexpected insurance agents or china people calling to sell something/wrong number

i wish it were
.pleasant surprises (i would eagerly anticipate for morning to come)
.loved one beside me
.freshly baked pancakes with cranberry and blueberry and maple syrup
.nice presents, post in the mail from friends
.an i love you

The way to go..
.expectancy and excited-ness to what is God gonna do with my life today (pleasant surprises)
.praise Him (brings fullness of joy)

what keeps you awake in the night?

.QT
.talking to the person i like
.praying for people, thanking God for today

{.Your love is extravagant.}




Hallelujah from the heavens
Hallelujah in the heights above the earth
Hallelujah all His angels
Hallelujah for the last will be first
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord

Hallelujah in the morning
Hallelujah for the beauty of His scars
Hallelujah in the twilight
Hallelujah sun and moon and shining stars
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord

When the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside

For all your times of laughter
In every hopeful prayer
When the world weighs on your shoulders
Through sorrow and your despair
With everything, with every breath, praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord
Let everything, let every breath praise the Lord

When the night seems so long (throw your hands to the sky)
You can sing a new song (wipe the tears from your eyes)
When you're weak, He is strong
He can heal your wounded soul
And calm the storm inside

{.Your love is extravagant.}




just got reminded during mentoring today that wounded people cannot love. very often we get wounded by the people around when they don't meet our expectations that we have subconsciously placed on them. to be wounded, we have to allow it, so somehow even strangers pissed us off because our hearts so vulnerable, that we allowed these people to hurt us.
unconsciously, you got me at hello. when you pursued, i tried hard as i might to guard my heart against you, but when you had me, i lost you. and when things just don't seem to go the way i want it to, i lose control, and seemingly, i wanted more control. i wish everything would be perfect cause i feared. like every girl, i wanted to be loved, to be pursued every single day, to be filled with this beam knowing that no matter where you were, you were thinking of me and missing me.
when you were hot, i thought i did pretty well guarding my heart. when you were cold, i didn't know who i was, i thought i lost it all. i started to yearn more. when i didn't get it, my emotions took control, it was a pretty bad whirl of a rollercoaster. as much as i know i should, my heart guarded, not allowing myself to be influence by you. but i call it a bluff, like bullshit, unconsciously, all these loosen up. i wasn't myself anymore.
you got me head over heels, and the questions i kept asking myself, made me confused. i couldn't rationalise my emotions, i might have overdone it. i cared too much, and it's probably suffocating now.
i'm stuck with thoughts of you in my head that i'm trying very hard to get it out, i'm trying not to be reluctant, i want to be free. the line has been drawn. i'm not looking back. i'm not picking up the broken pieces. this is the commitment i make to myself. as much as i wish everything could disappear at this moment, or that i can run away with peterpan, but i know that consider it joy, and i have to perserve to be mature and complete, not lacking anything. james1. as long as it takes me to be healed, i will perserve.

all i could say now is when we takes things into our own hands, we tweaked God's plan, and it becomes worse, and creates fear. but when we trust in Him to fulfill His promises for me, in my life, and for God so love me, how much more will He not grant me the desires of my heart at the right time. It will be perfect. It will be perfect. It will be perfect.
wounded people cannot love, but i want to love, so i shall let my broken wings be healed, my heart be filled with the unconditional love, unfailing love, and this will be my security. when my blue bar is raised and when my substructures are strong, yay! i will not be easily wounded anymore.

sweet Jesus, thank You for Your wisdom to perserve, thank You for giving me a double portion of Your grace to trust in You. You are good and You are in control and You will bring it to past. Keep me close to You, Lord. break my heart and melt it, Lord that i will not be stubborn anymore. teach me to have the right attitude. Oh Lord, help me to feel rested in Your loving arms and heal me fully, restore my soul Lord. Thank You that you sew me in a straight path.

what can i do but praise You
what can i do but give my life to You
a Hallelujah

{.Your love is extravagant.}






speaking of ice cream, i shall go get my mao shang wang from Udders!

{.Your love is extravagant.}






jude law, rachel rober downey, jr. picture from scoop.

sherlock holmes is an exciting movie to catch.
what i liked about the show:
witty sense of humour; trusted brothers, brothers for life between watsons and sherlock.
sherlock is so observant, and he can fight to kill, but he often says the wrong thing at the wrong time. he tries stuff on himself and the "our" dog.
the giant.

this show: 4 popcorns!

{.Your love is extravagant.}




it's this moment when i wish i was just nua-ing in your arms.

{.Your love is extravagant.}




when all else fades, and i find myself lost and broken.
knowing once again, I screwed up
and all these while i was stubborn,
You tell me that You were here all along,
"Come back to me, My child."

i fall on my knees and cry.
feeling Your love surround me
You said "if only i was willing"
and Here I am, Lord.

You are the God who gives and takes away.
my heart is torn.
but
I will live through it.
I will live through it.
Grant me the courage to live through it.
For you comfort me to comfort others.
And i will be a butterfly when its all over, and when i look back, i know You were making me beautiful.

so now, Lord, till then,
don't give up on me.
grant me double portion of Your grace
Your grace is more than enough for me
help me to depend on Your grace
give me strength and help me to depend on Your strength
I will live through it.
give me courage, Lord.

You are faithful always,
help me to trust in You. fully.
Here I am, Lord.
Melt my heart
and make this place Your home.

Actually, Lord, I know that You know that i'm afraid
but help me Lord, to release all these pain, these fears, these dreams into Your loving arms.
grant me pure sweet release and help me make it right with You.

thank you, Lord for all these songs you put into my head to encourage me and to know that You are always and will be with me and you will never leave me, Your love never fails.
You told me who am i, I am Yours. :)

So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds

This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds
~bebo norman - the hammer holds~

{.Your love is extravagant.}




I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

{.Your love is extravagant.}




You've left me with such a silent world,
Where evenings are calm, but I'm restless
And my breath has become as thin as the wind.

Not even the mighty sky could fill the space you left behind
Not even when it rains.
No, nothing takes your place
Your emptiness too great to fill.

I have been holding my breath,
For too many nights in a row,
And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams,
With reds and blues and greens.
Yea you're painting daffodils by the sea,
Without me.

Today in a breeze I sensed your perfume
But you were nowhere near.
And in reverie,
I felt you holding me.
And even in my dreams I shake from the fear
That you've been swept away.
By the rhythm of the waves I whisper in your ears.

I have been holding my breath,
For too many nights in a row,
And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams,
With reds and blues and greens.
Yea you're painting daffodils by the sea,
Without me.

I would give away
My sweetest memories,
If I could just be with you again.
Be with you again.

I have been holding my breath,
For too many nights in a row,
And somewhere on coastlines unknown to me
You paint your dreams,
With reds and blues and greens.
Yea you're painting daffodils growing by the sea,
Without me.

Last night I dreamt you were with me,
Finally I could breathe.

{.Your love is extravagant.}






{.Your love is extravagant.}