well..

having been in many clouds of thoughts lately, worrying and praying, and thinking to myself, aiyah, just don't think so much, let it came as it will. then i start making plans for the future again, having to want to do so many things, that i don't know which should come first. it's like all of a sudden i just feel i should start living my life, doing the things i want to do, but never had the chance to, or had the fear of failing. but i'm still young, and i'm not getting any younger, so i should stop thinking of turning back the clock.

and so i thought of doing my masters at NYU, dedicating time to God, like studying at tung ling or SBC, and some other stuff. but all these things can only happen if i stop working for a while.

i guess i'm just tired and i really want a time of refreshing. at times, i wish i was still in sch, having the time of my life, having alot of time to play and do my own stuff. but i guess this is life, it goes on.

anyway, as usual my thoughts are quite sporadic. there's a place i want to be.

yst i read a quote by abraham lincoln during ps benny ho's seminar on the book of Micah that says... Be sure to put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.

and today, i came across this verse: Jer 6: 16. This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

this is what i want to be doing.. to walk in the good way, and stand firm. to know the booby traps and get out from it, even though its tempting to stay in.

i yearn to live in expectancy of what the LORD is gonna do each day in and thru my life. i want to see miracles every single day. This is the place I want to be.

a revelation came today, don't take for granted the favor my clients give me, for it is the Lord's anointing, so i wanna give it my best, in my work, to work in excellence, and to be an authentic christian.

and another thing, i have to curb my spending.. so this is so gonna encourage me, about what linette commented about buying a branded bag. "think of the family who earns $200 with 5 mouth to feed."
my response: after this Friday (cause i'm celebrating my 3 x buddy's birthday, no more expensive meals, no buying of dslr camera lenses/bags/accessories, no blackbird, new hp hould be less than $200, no more buying of shoes/bags, minimise online shopping, save up!
yepp, i need to save up for my year-end trip, save up for my masters, save up for my lexus.
serve God or mammon?


oh yes, i'm gonna give my best time to the Lord, i think that's 10am to 11am. i shall work towards it.

The big rock in place, everything else will fall into place. Seek first the kingdom of God!

the future is bleak, but whatever holds, i know it is in His hands. Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

{.Your love is extravagant.}




The moment of which i anticipated arrived, and as usual, never put your expectations too high, it's easier to fall that way. 'not good enough' has appeared in the choice of words once too many a times recently. somewhere somehow managed to fall short of expectations almost all the time. maybe standards were set too high or blame it at the sloppy attempts of trying. Challenging to remain positive in times of extreme aggravation but i would still like to emerge at the end of the day, looking back with fondness instead of strife.

with the spirit of excellence, i know His with me on this. I will survive and come up someday soon.

{.Your love is extravagant.}

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you'd been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel's heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin' proof of what love is about

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I'm down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You're still in my thoughts

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It's sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It'll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it's sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn't matter somehow
But you were livin' proof of what love is about…

{.Your love is extravagant.}




Cuz sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over, again



{.Your love is extravagant.}




Miley Cyrus - the Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move i make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But i gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
always gonna be an uphill battle
sometimes i'm gonna have to lose

ain't about how fast i get there
ain't about what waiting on the other side
it's the climb

the struggles i'm facing
the chances i'm taking
sometimes might knock me down
but no, i'm not breaking

i may not know it
but these are the moments that
i'm gonna remember most, yeah
just gotta keep going

and i, i got to be strong
just keep pushing on

keep on moving, keep climbing
keep the faith
it's all about the climb
keep the faith, keep the faith.

{.Your love is extravagant.}




i never felt such fear and overwhelming stress. the entire day of trying to immense myself in embracing the fullness of joy, yet i always get robbed of it. the entire week was a wrecked. so drained from the back-to-back presentations for the entire month. then the appraisal. then the internal examination. then the huge ass complaint that really, that was my last straw.

i broke down. there's too much to handle. my shoulders are overloaded. i kept reading the verse on weary and burden, my yoke is light verse in matthew in the message version.

i got reprimanded in the late evening yesterday by my boss for the stupidity of the client. the client create a big hoo-ha, about my "mistake" to the director. before i find out what i did wrong, i got screamed at. so for 3 hours, my mind was in a whirlwind, afraid, gripped in fear, panicking, worried, anxious just waiting for updates. what the hell happen?

uh..to cut it short, client complaint got big huge ass mistake in my reports. my boss checked it. another manager checked it. calculations were all correct. client math fail. for someone's stupidity, i kena 3 hours of emotional wreck and mental disorder and wrestling with the stupid thing that says words that bring me down.

i learn one thing. forgiveness is having alot of grace, and many people always remember the wrong things you've done. so client lost the fight. client complaint about my typo error in my briefs instead. really. i'm so terribly annoyed.

and yes, after this incident, i will proof read my briefs and make sure there is no typo error and have more faith in myself. and you, shuddup. i am worthy and not useless and i'm not a turkey. i'm an eagle, i will soar on wings like eagle, run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint.
i know that the closer i get to embracing the fullness of joy, the harder i will get hit by you. but i will survive this fight. i look up at the hills, Where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord. He who watches over me neither slumber nor sleep. And most importantly, He loves me, His plans for me are good.

when all things start to fade, and when i feel like running away, i know i can hide under Your wings, and under Your shadow, i will find rest. He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom i trust. He will be with me in trouble and He will deliver me like He did today.
Thank You Jesus.

{.Your love is extravagant.}